before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
