the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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