You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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