I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize