She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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