i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His nipple licking is glorious
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