First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
