Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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