he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
