I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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