Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Buhtt sex?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
