hotel room ftw
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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