They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
