drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
