Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
