If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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