if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
