walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
