No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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