She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
