I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
