Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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