Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
