mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
