Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i will never coherently bang her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
