please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
