Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
