that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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