i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
