Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
