Soap is not a condiment
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
