New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
