Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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