So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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