I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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