i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize