I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
