I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize