My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
