if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
