I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
