Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
