i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
