I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
