strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
