It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
