But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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