he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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