reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
