we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
