I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My pussy is not your playground.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
