The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
