the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
