JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
