I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
