And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
