So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
