I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
