I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
