i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
