Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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