you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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