No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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