Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
