i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
