My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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