she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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