Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
