Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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