The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
