I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
