Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
