I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
