He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have already put on my inside pants.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
